Manic A Memoir Pdf

To my complete surprise, the men had continued right on talking without me. It was the language of suffering, and I knew it well. It was a good place to live, especially in December, when the snow fell thick and deep on the cobblestones, muffling the street noise so thoroughly that the city seemed to dance its own soft-shoe.

Short of dousing my letterhead in blood, I had nothing left to say. Normally I find this a very soothing routine. If money could not buy happiness, at least it could buy harmony.

Manic a memoir pdf

All I saw was a pair of red-rimmed eyes under big white bushy brows through my windshield, and I was drunk enough to think of Santa Claus. No, there must have been a deeper wound.

Manic a memoir pdf

Manic a memoir

There would be no Santa Fe. His handshake was as warm as his smile and almost as kind as his eyes.

Not only were they still open, but my favorite tequila, Lapiz in the cobalt blue bottle, was on sale. We needed a musicologist of the first degree, someone who would impress a jury not just with his expert credentials but with his demeanor, his sincerity, and his innate likeability. So I forced myself to sit stock-still, and I tried hard not to picture how pale my lips must have looked in the naked light. One of them was reading a book, which for some reason gave me hope.

Nannies who wanted too much money. All the time I was lying, though, I wanted to warn Joe to be more careful, to remind him that high-profile jobs demand low-profile lives. Toothless, tattooed freak or not, he was suffering, and I knew only too well how that felt. It was all so wickedly delicious, actually the best part of being bipolar, until my nipples protested against a surfeit of silk and I felt like a blind man faced with too much Braille. Does he talk about kissing?

Unhappiness in a lawyer seemed to be the norm, nothing worth getting upset about. The cops were nice about it.

And then she was all over me, all two hundred pounds of her. Cameron said at last, returning my hair to its original place. If I took it off, I would be naked.

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Was I doing something inappropriate, a manic precursor like singing show tunes under my breath in public, or breaking the ice in elevators, or winking at random just for the eyelash kisses? The drugs knocked the depression to its knees, but they kept me just this side of manic. Ordering lattes for us all, treating, heat detector pdf as I always did when I was manic.

Manic A Memoir - PDF Free Download

It was just another checkpoint on the road to mania. We took off late that Friday afternoon, and arrived at the hotel just as the sun went down. Still looking anywhere but in my eyes, she held out a metal box. And yet, my tongue lay slack and heavy in my mouth.

My ex gave it to me for my last birthday. When I opened the door, an attendant was there, waiting to escort me. Then again, maybe they do. It was an odd, echoing sensation. As long as Daddy was still alive, it made sense to get up every morning, depressed or not.

My therapist acknowledged the demands of my practice, but that was only a part of it, he said. Not the manias, not the depressions, and none of the consequences, because he simply refused to believe that the disease even existed. And scariest question of all, whatever had I done this time to deserve it? After posting a bond, I was finally released. Anyway, I swear I never even heard those drums until now.

And yet, it was the price that cinched it. He stacked a plate with helpings of each dessert, and told me to try one of everything. My mooring lines had slipped.

She mumbled her name, then got into bed. As soon as I felt them come alive again, I knew that the depression was finally lifting. Then I smiled knowingly and bit thoroughly into the ripe red strawberry flesh.

She jerked back, I fell, and she clanged the door shut again. Twenty-five minutes later, and three-quarters of the way through my stockpile, I no longer felt the pain, inside or out.

Manic a memoir pdf

My fingers came up slick with fresh blood. Somehow it made my own rent seem a bit less obscene. His friends got to meet the girl next door, in the slightly slutty black jeans and the green silk shirt, which had dissolved the moment I stepped into the kitchen light.

Manic A Memoir

Manic a memoir pdf

It seemed like such a waste of time. Between beats, between breaths, I made up my mind to confront the bastard face-toface. Remembering had made me more eager than ever. Ten, eleven, twelve flights down, and the back of my neck still tingled. It was rigid, unnatural thinking.

Manic a memoir pdf